Heartbreak and Passion
by dare-denymecider
Summary: Josh and Abbey start something they shouldn't  it's an odd pairing but it kindof works - don't hate me!   Reviews more than welcome!


Disclaimer: I own nothing and will probably receive hate mail for putting these characters together.

A/N: This is a fic I wrote years ago and stumbled across it the other day again. I thought I'd put it up here as there aren't that many Josh/Abbey pairings and you never know, someone might like it!

Reviews are always appreciated!

(The lines of TWW are to help make the reading go a little easier as I've posted as one large fic rather than the installments it was in previously)

Enjoy.

Em x

"Josh?"

He looked up from his desk, startled by the break in the silence. He was even more surprised when he saw who it was in his doorway.

"Dr Bartlet. I thought you were in Oregon?" he said, standing up and walking over to where the First Lady stood.

"Aren't you glad to see me?" she teased, laughing

when Josh started to sputter that of course he was. "Relax, Josh, I was just kidding! Yes I was in Oregon but something came to my attention and I cut the trip short."

"Why do I get the feeling that this 'something' is going to have me involved in it somewhere?" he said, gesturing for Abbey to take a seat in the visitor's chair while he settled on the edge of the desk.

"And they say I'm the one with the psychic powers," she laughed, but her expression quickly became somber. "I need you to talk to Amy about something for me. She's your girlfriend, she'll listen to you."

Josh couldn't help but chuckle. Amy may well be his significant other, but she never listened to him about anything. She was a very strong willed woman.

"I can't promise anything but I can give it a shot. What do you need me to talk to her about?" he asked.

Abbey sat for a moment, smoothing out the invisible creases on her navy blue skirt. Taking a deep breath she began to speak, holding eye contact with Josh the entire time.

"There's an organization in New Hampshire called Bright Beginnings. It's a foundation that was set up to provide respite care for adults and children who suffer from Autism. If HR-247 goes through next month, it means that this group, and others like it, is going to have their state-funding cut. Without help from the government, they can't afford to run the center, not just based on charitable donations."

Abbey stopped and lowered her eyes to the ground. When she looked up again, Josh could feel her eyes pleading with him. He didn't understand though why Abbey was so upset about the cause. Organizations like this had to close all the time because of lack of funding. It was something that bothered Josh but there just wasn't enough money to go around.

Abbey could sense his confusion and began to explain.

"My niece has been going to Bright Beginnings for over twelve years now. She has a severe form of Autism and not only does the center offer her the opportunity to do things she otherwise wouldn't be able to do, it gives her parents some time away from her. It allows them time to themselves, to relax and recharge their batteries. Caring for someone with Autism is a twenty-four hour job, it's important for everyone involved to have some time apart."

It was obvious how much it meant to Abbey that the center didn't close down and Josh wondered if Abbey's niece knew just how much she cared for her.

"Ok, Ma'am. I will speak to Amy about it and see what she can do. But I can't make any promises, you know what Amy is like."

Abbey nodded her head, knowing that Josh would do his best for her. She stood up and made her way to the door.

"Thank you, Josh," she said as she opened the door and walked out.

"Don't thank me yet," he mumbled, hoping that he could get Amy on their side for this.

TWW TWW TWW TWW TWW TWW TWW TWW TWW TWW TWW TWW

Abbey was sitting in her office when she heard a soft knock on the door.

"Come in," she shouted, putting down her pen and standing to greet whoever was entering her office.

"Hello, Ma'am," Josh said, as he walked in, shutting the door behind him. He could see the hopeful expression Abbey's face and it crushed him to know that he hadn't been able to help her.

"I'm sorry," he said simply.

Abbey let out a long sigh.

"I tried to explain to her how much good these smaller organizations do but she wouldn't change her mind. She's all for the funding getting cut because it will give more money to the larger foundations to help with the wider picture. I know that doesn't help Bright Beginnings," he said softly.

Unsure of the protocol for situations like this, Josh hesitated before placing a hand on Abbey's arm. She jumped slightly from the sudden contact but she didn't move away. Instead she moved forward, resting her head on his chest.

Her tears surprised him. The First Lady was notoriously strong but he understood that this meant a great deal to her.

He wrapped his arms around her, pulling her close. Leaning into the embrace, Abbey allowed him to comfort her as she sobbed against his chest.

After a few moments the tears subsided but Abbey found that her face was still buried in his chest, his arms still holding her tightly. She took a deep breath, inhaling the musky smell of his cologne.

She was aware of Josh placing gentle kisses in her hair, murmuring soothing words. The words were meant in comfort but Abbey could feel a tremor of excitement building up inside her from his touch and she pulled away.

Eye to eye, inches apart, neither of them were able to break contact. Abbey could feel his lips brush lightly over the corner of her mouth and she found herself leaning forward to deepen the kiss, allowing his tongue to penetrate her mouth, tangling with her own.

Josh slipped his hand up Abbey's back and rested it in her hair, pulling her even closer. She allowed her hand to slip from his waist and brush briefly over his buttocks. Alarm bells were sounding loudly in her head but her body was urging her to taste Josh Lyman.

After a few minutes, they broke apart, both of them taking one step backward to widen the distance between their bodies.

"Wow!" Josh breathed, a smile tugging at his lips.

Abbey groaned. "Is that all you have to say…?" she asked him, taking a seat before her legs gave way beneath her. She wasn't sure if it was shock or if it was Josh but her legs had turned to jelly.

"Whoops?" Josh offered, the smile never leaving his lips. Abbey had to smile too as he flashed his dimples at her. She had enjoyed the kiss. It had been a long time since she had been kissed with such passion. She and Jed didn't seem to have time to appreciate one another these days.

Jed.

Abbey groaned again as she realised that after almost thirty-five years of marriage, she had just cheated on her husband. With his deputy chief of staff of all people.

"I think you should go," she said, turning her back on him and walking behind her desk.

"Of course."

Josh looked at Abbey, her eyes cast downwards avoiding his own gaze. He left the room as silently as he could.

TWW TWW TWW TWW TWW TWW TWW TWW TWW TWW TWW TWW

As he walked back to his office, Josh couldn't help but think about what had just happened. He absently touched his hand to his lips, still able to feel the kiss they had shared.

He had kissed the First Lady, a woman who was old enough to be his mom. Well, slight exaggeration, but definitely a much older sister.

When he arrived at his office he shut the door and sat down behind his desk.

Abigail Bartlet.

There had often been discussions during the campaign about what an attractive woman she was. How lucky the President was to have such a stunning wife. Josh had joined in with them, always with the utmost respect for Jed and for Abbey. At the time, the men as a whole had been all talk, none of them ever contemplating the possibility of actually 'being' with Abbey.

Until now.

Josh slumped forward, dropping his head into his hands and running them through the scarcity of hair on his scalp. Any sexual thoughts about Abbey that had been seconded to the back of his brain at the end of the campaign were now front and foremost in his mind. Common sense told him to stay away but the voice of reason in his head was being drowned out by his urge to kiss Abbey again. What if she felt the same?

Josh exhaled loudly.

It wouldn't happen again.

It COULDN'T happen again.

Could it?

TWW TWW TWW TWW TWW TWW TWW TWW TWW TWW TWW TWW

Abbey lay on her side and looked at the clock that rested on the bedside table. Nine-thirty a.m. Jed had had an early morning meeting and so had been out of bed by six. Usually Abbey would have been up and about by now too, but today she just couldn't face getting up.

Abbey had lain awake all night, replaying the scene from her office over and over in her head. She had felt so guilty when Jed had placed a protective arm around her to stop her from tossing and turning. Guilty because part of her was wondering what it would be like to be sleeping next to Josh.

It wasn't so much the fact that she had kissed Josh that was bothering her. It was that she had enjoyed it. The feel of his lips against her own had brought a weakness to her knees Abbey hadn't felt since the early years of her marriage.

Turning over so she was lying on her back, Abbey sighed. Instead of vowing never to cheat on Jed again and to make things good between them once more, all Abbey could think about was how much she wanted to kiss Josh again.

Abbey let out a small chuckle to the empty room. Fifty-two years old and she was as confused as a naive schoolgirl. At least at school, there had been advice from girlfriends. She had never felt so alone as she had felt since Jed became President. All of her friends were either in New Hampshire or spread across the country. She needed to talk about this but considering who she was married to that wasn't an option.

Unless….

Abbey sat up and slowly swung her legs out of the bed. Heading into the bathroom she stopped and looked in the mirror. The dark circles under her eyes were testament to her lack of sleep. She couldn't go through another sleepless night.

Even if she couldn't come right out and discuss the situation, Abbey knew who would be able to listen to her thoughts.

TWW TWW TWW TWW TWW TWW TWW TWW TWW TWW TWW TWW

Returning from Staff, CJ was surprised to find Abbey sitting on the sofa in her office.

"Ma'am," CJ acknowledged the First Lady as she shut the door and walked over to where Abbey was sitting. "Were you looking for me?"

"Isn't this Toby's office?" Abbey asked innocently.

"No, Ma'am," CJ replied, shaking her head. "Toby's office is…"

She stopped and looked at Abbey who was trying in vain to suppress a giggle.

"Of course you're looking for me," CJ said, admitting her stupidity. "Why else would you be sitting in my office?"

"Exactly!" said Abbey, patting the space beside her on the sofa so that CJ would sit next to her.

"How can I help you, Ma'am?"

"Well, first of all you can stop with all the 'Ma'am' talk. When it's just you and me, I'm Abbey. Ok?"

CJ nodded her head and waited for Abbey to continue.

"I've always thought of you and I as being friends. You know, two women in a man's world, working together to keep the chauvinism to a minimum," Abbey looked at CJ while she was talking. The younger woman kept nodding her head and Abbey saw this as a sign to go on.

"Anyway, I was thinking. We haven't done anything really fun together since the campaign and I was wondering, if you didn't have anything too important to do today, and that if you could be spared then you and I could hit the shops for some retail therapy."

Abbey stopped and waited for CJ to answer. She didn't have to wait long.

"I would love to. I don't have anything to do today that can't be put of until tomorrow. It's Saturday after all, and if Sam and Josh have time to debate who the best Baywatch babe was, then I definitely have time to shop!"

They both laughed and Abbey placed a hand on CJ's arm as they stood up from the sofa.

"Ok, you go and tell Jed that you are coming with me. Any problems, tell him he will have me to deal with. And then, it's girlie time."

"Yes Ma'am," CJ mocked a salute at Abbey and headed out the door towards the Oval Office.

Abbey stood in the doorway and looked out into the corridor as she watched CJ's tall figure disappear around the corner. CJ would help her decide what to do. Whether she was aware of it or not.

TWW TWW TWW TWW TWW TWW TWW TWW TWW TWW TWW TWW

A dozen or so stores later, CJ and Abbey found themselves in yet another fitting room. They were playing comparisons. Both of them trying on the same outfit and seeing which of them looked better in it. So far, CJ was winning and Abbey had claimed the contest unfair because everything looked great on CJ because she was so tall.

"Are you nearly ready?" Abbey shouted over the wall to the next fitting room. She stepped into the pants to the suit and buttoned them up.

"Uh oh" CJ shouted back from the next cubicle.

"Uh oh indeed," Abbey agreed and she stepped out from behind the curtain and stood in front of CJ who was looking at herself in the mirror. Catching sight of one another's reflection, they both burst out laughing.

"Do you think by any chance we picked up each other's clothes by mistake," CJ laughed as she stepped back and surveyed Abbey's appearance.

The black pants were fitted snugly over her hips and the bottoms hid her feet from view, trailing out a few inches behind her.

"I think so," Abbey giggled, staring back at the humorous sight before her.

What were meant to be standard length pants, now looked like Capri style on CJ and the waist of the pants hung around her hips.

"I have to get out of these," she groaned as she walked back into the cubicle to change back into her clothes.

"Want to go for lunch?" Abbey asked, as they busied themselves dressing.

"Sure. Where?"

"I know just the place."

TWW TWW TWW TWW TWW TWW TWW TWW TWW TWW TWW TWW

Seated at a table to the back of the small restaurant, Abbey and CJ ate quietly. They were the only two patrons in the Italian eatery, which was just as well because Abbey's agents had taken up position at the front of the restaurant.

"This has been a great day, Abbey. Thank you," CJ said, breaking the silence for the first time since they had sat down. Abbey seemed to be deep in thought and from the worried expression on her face, CJ hadn't wanted to bombard her with small talk.

"Thank you for coming. It's been a long time since I've had a girlie day out," Abbey said.

"Well us two girls and those four Secret Service Agents," CJ joked.

"I don't know. I think they probably enjoyed having two nearly naked women in such close vicinity! Even if I am old enough to be most of their mothers."

"Stop it. You're not that much older than me, Abbey," CJ scolded.

"How old are you again, CJ?" Abbey asked.

"I'll be forty-one in July. I'm six months older than Josh and believe me, he doesn't let me forget it!"

"I can imagine," Abbey laughed. 11 years difference between herself and Josh, yet another reason against pursuing the kiss. Although, CJ hadn't thought that the age gap was that bad. You don't want to kiss her though, Abbey reasoned with herself.

She was jolted from her thoughts by the flash of a camera and when she looked out the window, she saw her agents escorting a photographer away from the restaurant. When she focused her attention back to the table, she found CJ staring at her.

"Doesn't it bother you being followed around by the Press all the time? No privacy?" CJ asked, a serious look on her face.

"Doesn't it bother YOU being up in front of the Press all the time?" Abbey countered.

CJ frowned. "It's my job," she said simply.

Abbey sighed and lifted her glass to her lips. "It's my job too," she said wearily, before swallowing the smooth red wine.

"Don't you enjoy being First Lady?" CJ asked, concerned by the way Abbey's spirits had faltered since they had sat down to lunch.

"I suppose, in all honesty, it's like everything else in life. You spend a lot of time wondering 'What if…'" Abbey swallowed hard, trying to dissolve the lump that risen in her throat. "Don't you find you have days like that yourself, CJ?"

"If Toby and I hadn't gotten together then yeah, I would have explored the 'What if's…'" CJ answered truthfully, "I wouldn't have been able to bear the not knowing. It's only because I am so happy now, that I don't mind the NOT knowing."

Abbey admired CJ's acceptance of the situation. At some point she may have had her doubts over 'what might have been', but her happiness had laid them to rest. Abbey couldn't help but consider her own doubts and wondered, if her happiness wasn't complete, then maybe all options should be explored.

Maybe Josh was her chance, Abbey thought to herself. An opportunity to see what life might have been like if she hadn't married Jed so young. If they hadn't had their children when they had been so young and innocent themselves. Not that Abbey would trade her life with Jed or her girls for anything, and she knew that she could never recapture the years of her youth, but there was an urge inside her. An urge to see where things could progress to with Josh.

Reaching out, she took CJ's hand in hers and clasped it tightly.

"Let's go," Abbey said quietly. As they stood up from the table, the head-waiter came across to them. After asking them if they had enjoyed their meal, he invited them to come again anytime, refusing CJ's offer of payment.

When they had settled in the waiting limo, Abbey's thoughts returned to her dilemma. CJ didn't know that she had helped in anyway but Abbey's mind was made up as to what she wanted to do. She rested her head on the back of the seat and silently prayed for forgiveness.

TWW TWW TWW TWW TWW TWW TWW TWW TWW TWW TWW TWW

It had been over a week since Josh and Abbey had kissed and it was all he had been able to think about. Standing in front of the blackboard on his office wall, Josh looked down at the chalk in his hand trying to remember what he had been meaning to write. If he wrote on the board what was circling his mind presently, the word 'ABBEY" in his messy scrawl would be plastered across the black surface.

He put the white chalk in the box and sat back down behind his desk. He had vowed to himself that it wouldn't happen again and so far, it hadn't. Not that either of them had had much opportunity to see one another. Abbey had been away on another trip and even when she had returned she had spent the day with CJ.

On the other hand, Josh had been up to his eyeballs in trying to clear up a newly elected Congressman's faux pas. In Josh's opinion, most Congressmen should have their mouth's sewn shut until the White House needed them for something. It would save everyone a lot of time and bother. Besides, they usually had enough trouble trying to straighten out his own messes.

However, that mess was out of the way and Abbey was back in the country but they still hadn't had time to talk about what had happened. He'd had plenty of time to think about it though and every time he did, he came to the same conclusion. It was wrong, but he wanted Abbey. He had to find out if she felt the same way.

Josh stood up and walked over to open the door. He made his way over to Donna's desk, fixing a blank expression on his face and hoping that this didn't go down as a case of 'The little boy who cried wolf'.

"Donna?" his voice was quiet as he tried to get his assistant's attention.

"Mmmm?" Donna asked, reading the final paragraph of the document before looking up. When she saw Josh standing in front of her she let out a quick gasp. "Are you ok?"

"I…I need to…um…" his voice trailed off. He hoped that his behavior was similar to that of the Christmas when he had broken down. He didn't remember a lot about it but he assumed that he had acted a little vague at times.

Josh kicked himself for letting Donna worry about him, he didn't want to take advantage of her kind nature but he had to have her believe that he was getting sick again.

"Josh?" Donna stood up and walked over to her boss, taking in the distant look on his face. She had seen him like this a couple of times after Rosslyn and it had culminated in him putting his fist through a window. Maybe if they could get him to talk through what was bothering him, they could prevent anything like that happening again. "Do you want me to get someone for you?" she asked, trying to hide the tremors in her voice.

Josh nodded his head slowly.

"Ok. Who do you want me to get? Toby? CJ?" she asked, looking around to see if either of them were nearby.

Josh shook his head.

"I need to…um…talk…" he sputtered, hoping that Donna would eventually say who he wanted to speak to.

"Oh. Will I get someone to call Dr Bartlet. I'm sure she'll be able to help…um…I mean…talk things through with you,"

"I…would appreciate it. Donna…thanks," he said, as he made his way back into his office and shut the door. He sat down on the edge of his desk, an uneasy feeling in the pit of his stomach. He didn't know if it was because he had just lied to Donna or if it was because he was about to confront Abbey.

Josh took a deep breath hoping that Abbey would understand why he wanted to see her. He crossed his fingers that Abbey would feel the same way.

TWW TWW TWW TWW TWW TWW TWW TWW TWW TWW TWW TWW

Abbey walked briskly through the corridors to the West Wing, her bag gripped tightly in her right hand. Lily Mays had said Donna sounded very worried about Josh when she had called and Abbey was concerned with what she was going to face when she got to his office.

She was anxious about seeing him, not only because she was worried about his health but because it was going to be the first time they had really seen each other since that day in her office.

As she rounded the corner, she could see a small crowd had gathered in the bullpen outside Josh's office and she motioned to Donna to disperse them. Abbey knocked softly on Josh's door and waited until he answered before she entered.

Josh was sitting on the edge of his desk, looking the picture of health. Abbey couldn't understand why Donna had been so worried. Making sure the door was shut behind her, Abbey walked over to him, the confusion evident on her face.

"Donna said you weren't feeling well," she said, looking in his eyes, trying to gauge what was going on. His pupils were slightly dilated but other than that he seemed fine.

"I told Donna I wasn't feeling well," Josh said simply, a slight blush forming on his cheeks. "I'm sorry. I just had to talk to you and I didn't know how else to speak with you without drawing too much attention."

"I'm afraid you failed. There was rather a large crowd out there before I came in," Abbey said.

"Everyone out there already thinks I have several screws loose. I don't mind about that. What I meant was that I didn't want too much attention drawn to us," Josh said, stepping closer to her.

Abbey swallowed hard and backed away, keeping the distance between them. Josh stopped his advance, a sheepish look on his face.

"I'm sorry. I just wanted to…"

"Wait a minute," Abbey said, as she opened the door and walked out into the bullpen. Stopping at Donna's desk, she leaned down and whispered into the young woman's ear. Donna nodded and Abbey made her way back into the office.

"Come with me," Abbey ordered.

"Where are we going?"

"You'll find out in a minute. Just come with me and try and look as though you are headed for a nervous breakdown," Abbey said seriously as she led him out of his office.

"That shouldn't be too hard the way I feel right now,' Josh mumbled as he followed the First Lady past the curious onlookers and out of the West Wing.

TWW TWW TWW TWW TWW TWW TWW TWW TWW TWW TWW TWW

"Why are we here?" Josh asked, looking around the unfamiliar surroundings. He had been down the basement rooms often enough but never this far down the corridor. He hadn't known there were small offices down here.

"You're right. We need to talk. But it can't be anywhere where we can be overheard or interrupted. My agents are stationed at the end of the corridor so we shouldn't be disturbed."

"What did you tell Donna?"

"I just told her that I was taking you somewhere quiet to talk and that you had your pager should you be needed. I don't think she will be bothering you. She's pretty worried," Abbey said softly.

"I know. I feel terrible about that but I couldn't think of any feasible way to get you alone." Josh laughed softly as he came to a realisation. "You know, I haven't even asked you really if you wanted to be alone with me," he said, still laughing.

"Do you think I would be here if I didn't want to be?" Abbey said seriously.

"No," Josh whispered, " I don't think you would be."

They were sitting on opposite ends a sofa in the sparsely furnished room, but as he spoke, Josh moved closer to Abbey so that they were almost touching.

"So…" Josh said, turning to face her.

"So…" Abbey repeated, her lips inches from his.

Josh reached up and cupped Abbey's face between his hands, pulling her towards him, lightly brushing his lips against hers.

Abbey knew that Josh was waiting for her consent, and so she tugged gently on his bottom lip, moaning softly as he deepened the kiss. Josh plunged his hand into her hair, massaging her scalp as Abbey ran her hand over his back.

When they finally pulled apart, they were both breathless, their cheeks flushed with passion, their eyes wild with desire.

"I take it you agree that our last kiss wasn't a mistake then?" Josh asked her seriously, his hand stroking her cheek.

Abbey leaned into his palm and sighed. "I don't know what it was. All I know is that for this past week, I haven't been able to think of anything else. I…"

Josh silenced her with his lips, pulling Abbey to him so that her body was pressed tightly against his chest. He could feel the fullness of her breasts against him and the familiar stirring in his groin at the sensation.

A moan escaped from his mouth as he hardened against her thigh, and Abbey smiled appreciatively, enjoying the feel of him against her. With her lips still pressed to his, she reached up between them and began to unbutton his shirt. Josh mirrored her actions, mustering all his control not to just rip off her blouse.

As the blouse slipped off her shoulders, Josh unconsciously let out a low whistle. For a woman of her age, she had such silky, firm skin. Josh allowed his hands to roam over her naked flesh.

"I take it you approve," Abbey teased huskily.

"Oh yes," Josh replied, his voice full of passion.

Josh's shirt had been discarded and Abbey helped him take his undershirt off. She reached out and gently traced the line of his scar. Josh flinched as she touched him, embarrassed by his imperfection, but Abbey leaned over and kissed it tenderly.

Josh relaxed and tilted her head back towards him so he could capture her lips. His tongue penetrated her mouth and she sighed softly at the intrusion. Circling his arms around her body, Josh unclasped Abbey's bra, guiding it over her arms before allowing it to drop to the floor. He took one of her nipples between his thumb and forefinger, rolling the nub gently until it became a hard peak. As he teased her right breast with his fingers, he lowered his head, taking her left nipple into his mouth and lapping at the nipple. Abbey moaned as he teased the sensitive bud with his tongue.

Josh released her breast from his mouth and began to kiss his way down Abbey's stomach, circling her naval with his tongue as she rose to his touch. Unzipping her navy skirt, he hooked his fingers into the waistband, watching Abbey as she raised her hips from the sofa so he could undress her.

He sat back on his haunches and looked at the sight before him. Josh didn't think he had ever seen anyone as beautiful as Abbey looked now. Her cheeks were flushed, her full breasts and erect nipples were exposed.

He kissed his way up her thigh, pausing as he reached the top, to touch her through her damp panties. He rolled them down her thighs and threw them to the floor as he exposed her fully to him. He was so hard now that it was making him uncomfortable, so he stood slowly and took of his pants and boxers, releasing his erection from its confines.

Abbey let out a soft purr as she saw the now naked Josh standing before her.

"And I take it you approve!" Josh laughed, mimicking her earlier comment.

Abbey said nothing, but reached out and pulled him down so he was resting on top of her. She could feel his erection pushing at her stomach as he covered her breasts with feather light kisses. She hadn't been so aroused by such a simple act before but she knew she wanted to feel him inside her.

"Josh," Abbey gasped, her breathing already labored.

Josh looked up at her, his lips still brushing against her hardened nipple.

"I want you…" Abbey breathed, "I want to feel you,"

"You sure?" There was nothing more Josh wanted than to do this but he had to make sure Abbey was ok with it. She nodded her head to reassure him.

Josh nodded and reached down between them with his left hand. He found her clitoris and began to rub it gently with his thumb as he inserted a finger between her moist folds. Abbey began to move her hips to the rhythm of Josh's movements. Josh inserted a second finger and Abbey closed her eyes and ground herself down onto his hand. Looking up for her permission, Josh withdrew his fingers and positioned himself above her. Abbey opened her eyes at the loss of contact but smiled as Josh looked into her eyes for consent.

Josh eased himself into Abbey and slowly began to move within her, stopping every now and then until she had adjusted. Once they had established a rhythm, Josh began to thrust a little faster eliciting moans from Abbey as he hit her G-spot with nearly every thrust and she held onto his shoulders tightly as he picked up the speed even more.

Abbey wrapped her legs around Josh's waist so she could take him deeper and he growled Abbey's name as he immersed himself inside her.

Abbey could feel her orgasm building up within her and she clenched around Josh as the waves of pleasure washed over her. The sensation of Abbey's muscles clenching around him brought Josh to his own release and he stiffened above her as he came.

Unable to support himself on his arms any longer, he collapsed beside Abbey, both of them breathing heavily in the silent room.

"Mmmmmm," Josh managed to gasp.

"Indeed," Abbey agreed, rolling onto her side to look at him. His face was flushed and tiny beads of sweat had formed on his forehead but the dimples were out in full force as he beamed back at her.

They lay in each other's arms for a few minutes in silence, enjoying the heat from each other's bodies. Finally, Josh brought them both back to reality.

"Where do we go from here?"

Abbey sighed against his chest. For a few moments it had seemed so right for them to be together, but she knew Josh was asking her if she thought they should keep seeing each other.

"I want to be with you," Josh said, when Abbey didn't say anything.

"I want to be with you too," Abbey replied, surprised that she actually meant it. She did want to be with him. But at what cost? "But…"

"No buts," Josh said, shaking his head, "This isn't going to be easy. Let's just take each opportunity as it comes and take some time for us. There's no rush."

He kissed her gently on the forehead and she settled into his embrace, wishing it really was so simple.

TWW TWW TWW TWW TWW TWW TWW TWW TWW TWW TWW TWW

As Josh walked through the bullpen on his way back to his office, CJ stopped him.

"Are you ok?" she asked, her voice full of concern. "I heard a rumor that you weren't feeling well."

"Yeah I wasn't, but Abbey talked me through some things and I feel much better now."

CJ patted him on the arm and walked past him on her way to the Briefing room.

"Yeah I feel much better now."

**Six months later**

"…the First Lady of the United States, Abigail Bartlet."

The gathered guests turned their attention to the door and applauded as Abbey made her way down the entrance steps. Alone. Jed had had to fly to China for some negotiations, leaving her to fend for herself at the state dinner, something she was not relishing.

Pasting her First-Lady-Smile on her face, she descended the stairs towards the throng of people. Her eyes darted from side to side trying to seek him out but if he was out there somewhere, he wasn't in her eye-line. She smiled and nodded graciously as she passed through the crowd, stopping briefly to talk to the people she knew and as politely as she could, rebuffing the people she didn't.

After a few moments, she spotted CJ out of the corner of her eye. She made her excuses to the Ambassador of God-knows-where and walked over to CJ.

"Mrs Bartlet," CJ greeted the First Lady.

"Please, CJ. Tonight, call me Abbey. It would be nice to have someone I actually know and like here tonight. I can't believe Jed left me here to deal with this on my own."

"With all due respect, Mrs…Abbey," CJ corrected herself, " the President only found out about China an hour before the dinner, by which time it was too late to cancel. I'm sure he knows he left the schmoozing in capable hands."

"And I'm sure he made up China as an excuse to get out of this evening," Abbey said, only half joking.

"Do you really thing the President would miss an opportunity to show off and spread his inane trivia knowledge?" CJ teased.

Abbey giggled softly. "No, you're right. State Dinners are Jed's platform to educate. At least it takes the pressure off of the Senior Staff for a while." CJ nodded her head in agreement.

"Speaking of Senior Staff," Abbey continued nonchalantly, "where is everyone? I haven't seen Sam or Leo or…Josh."

"Well, Sam is talking to Ainsley over there, and Leo, or should I say 'Gerald', is trapped in a corner with Lord Marbury over there," CJ pointed out their locations as she spoke, " And Josh is…actually, I don't know where he is."

"But he IS here?" Abbey asked. "I mean, he definitely came here tonight, right?"

"Right," CJ repeated, eyeing the First Lady suspiciously. "Why?"

Abbey quickly thought on her feet, aware that her interest in Josh's whereabouts had drawn unwanted interest from CJ. "I just have to speak to him about an email I received from Amy Gardner. Nothing important. Anyway, I guess I had better mingle. I wouldn't want people thinking I didn't want to be here."

CJ laughed at Abbey's joke as she watched to older woman walk away. Something about her conversation with Abbey had struck a chord and she wasn't sure why. She put it down to too much wine too early in the evening making her suspicious. Shrugging her shoulders to no one in particular, she rejoined the group she had been talking to, her conversation with Abbey tucked away in the corner of her mind.

TWW TWW TWW TWW TWW TWW TWW TWW TWW TWW TWW TWW

After a few hours of smiling falsely and pretending to be interested in what people were saying, Abbey couldn't take it any longer. Her head was sore and she felt nauseous. Walking over to where Toby was sitting, she waved away his gesture of standing in her presence and instead, sat down next to him.

"Have you seen Leo?" she asked.

"Last time I saw him he was hiding in a corner. I think Lord Marbury was blaming him for the fall of the British Empire." Toby let out an uncharacteristic chuckle.

"What about CJ?"

"CJ had to go brief the press on the situation in China. Why?"

"I'm not feeling all that great. I was hoping one of them would escort me back to the residence."

"I'll escort you."

"Josh?"

"Yes, Ma'am."

"Where have you been all night?" Abbey asked, trying hard to keep the smile from her face.

"I had some things to do in the office, but now I am free and able to escort you back to the residence if you wouldn't mind my company."

"I would appreciate it. Thank you, Josh," Abbey said goodnight to Toby before she and Josh left the ballroom and made their way to the residence.

Once they were outside of the living area in the residence, Abbey made a big show of inviting Josh in to sit with her until she felt a little better. She wasn't sure how much her Secret Service Agents knew about her relationship with Josh but she knew they must suspect something from all the secret meetings they had had over the past six months and so anything she could do to quash their suspicions, she did at any opportunity.

Abbey sat down on the large sofa in the middle of the room, patting the space beside her with her hand and beckoning Josh over to sit next to her. As he sat down, he reached across and tenderly cupped her face in his hands, drawing her to him for a kiss. She melted into his embrace, deepening the kiss and allowing his hands to roam her body.

After a few moments, she pulled back and stood up. She walked over to the bookshelf, leaving Josh sitting on the sofa, confused by her actions.

"What's wrong?" he asked.

"Nothing. I'm fine," she answered softly, her back still to him.

Josh stood up from the sofa and walked over to her, gently placing his hands on the hips of the woman he had come to love over the past few months. She flinched at his touch but didn't move away. Slowly he turned her towards him until he was able to look into her eyes. Tears had welled up in her normally bright eyes, and a trail of dampness was beginning its descent on her cheeks.

Josh reached up and wiped at her cheek with his thumb, holding her head in his hands and staring intently into her glistening eyes.

"What's wrong?" he asked again, this time holding her firmly as she tried to drop her gaze.

"I'm fine," she repeated. "No, actually, I'm not. I'm…I mean…we're pregnant."

TWW TWW TWW TWW TWW TWW TWW TWW TWW TWW TWW TWW

Josh stared at Abbey, the words from her mouth floating slowly around his head.

"How? When? I mean…how is this possible?" Josh ran his hands through his hair, a gesture Abbey had come to know meant he was frustrated.

"I don't think you get to your age without knowing a little about the birds and the bees," Abbey said sarcastically. Moving away from him and back over to the sofa, she sat down, hands in her lap. "I never went through 'The Change' and God knows how many times we've actually been able to wait until we could locate some protection." Abbey looked across at Josh. A flush crept up his cheeks. She was right, there was either never enough time or he just couldn't wait to be close to her.

"I just never thought this was a possibility," he said truthfully. "Didn't you think to tell me, Abbey? I mean, don't you think I would have liked a heads up that at some point I could get you pregnant? For Gods sake, what are we going to do?"

Abbey looked back at him, unsure of what to say. The baby was a shock for her too, and at her age carrying a child to term would be risky, but to carry Josh's baby would really show him how much she loved him.

"Abbey!"

Josh's shout broke up her thoughts.

"Stop yelling," Abbey said, aware that the Secret Service were right outside the door. Josh's eyes were glowing, but with an emotion Abbey had never seen before and she wasn't quite sure what that emotion was. "You're mad at me?"

"I'm not mad at you," Josh shouted, then lowering his voice to a soothing whisper, "I'm not mad at you."

He walked over to where Abbey was sitting and reached out his hands to her. Clasping her hand in his, she allowed him to pull her up from her seat so that they were standing face to face again.

"Is it mine?" Josh asked softly, searching her eyes as if the answer might be hidden in their depths.

"What kind of question is that?" she asked, trying to break away from him but he held onto her arms tightly. "Do you think I would be telling you this if I had any doubts that it might not be yours?"

"It was a simple question, Abbey. I mean, how can you be so sure?"

"Well, I'm around about ten weeks, which means I fell pregnant the week Jed was in Brussels at the Summit. Had it been any other time I might not have been so sure but he was away for a week and then I went to visit Liz and Annie so there's almost a two-week gap when it was only us. It's your baby, Josh."

"My baby," Josh repeated, a dimpled grin lighting up his face. He pulled Abbey into his embrace, holding her close to him. Abbey nestled into the familiar crook in his shoulder and sighed softly.

"Our baby," she whispered smiling.

They stood like that for a few moments, breathing in each other and adjusting to the new direction their lives were going to take. Josh broke the embrace first, holding Abbey at arms length and looking into her eyes.

"What are we going to tell the President?" he asked seriously, the enormity of the whole situation suddenly hitting him. He was not only having an affair and a child with the wife of his boss and his mentor but he was having those same things with the wife of the President of the United States.

"I think it's a little late to be showing respect for the man," Abbey quipped sardonically.

"How dare you!" Josh shouted. "Jed Bartlet has been my mentor these past few years, not to mention a damn fine President. I fell in love with you. It doesn't mean I fell out of love with him."

Abbey reached up and stroked his trembling cheek with her hand.

"I know. I should never have said what I did. I love him too. I just never thought it would be possible to love two men as much as I love the two of you."

"So what are we going to tell him?" Josh asked again.

"Nothing. Not at the moment anyway," Abbey looked into Josh's confused eyes. "We can't, Josh. It would crush him, politically and emotionally. We have to wait for the right time."

"And when will that be?"

"I don't know, Josh," Abbey whispered, " I really don't know."

TWW TWW TWW TWW TWW TWW TWW TWW TWW TWW TWW TWW

"Please, Josh, it's seven thirty in the morning, can you at least TRY not to be so chirpy?" CJ asked as Josh bounded into her office.

"I can't help it, CJ. I'm full of the joys of spring," Josh replied, flopping enthusiastically onto her couch.

"Well I'm not yet full of the joys of caffeine yet, so kindly keep your joyfulness to yourself. And for God's sake, keep still. You're making me dizzy," CJ said as he practically leapt off the sofa and started walking around her office. She put down her pen and watched him, taking in the deep dimples caused by the big grin on his face. "Seriously, Joshua, what's with you? You've been acting like a kid at Christmas for a week now, care to share what's making you so happy?"

"Can't a guy just be happy in his work every now and then?" he asked innocently.

"Yes, he can, but you haven't even yelled at Donna recently, so it's more than just job satisfaction. Spill."

"I can't tell you, but let's just say the world will soon be a much better place," he said cryptically.

"Oh my God! You and Amy aren't reproducing are you?" CJ asked, a look of horror on her face at the image of miniature Josh's running around the West Wing.

"Me and Amy? No way! In fact," he said thoughtfully, "I think Amy and I have come to the end of the road."

"Oh really?" CJ asked, amused at his turn of phrase.

"Yeah, I'm going to have to tell Amy that her supply of Lyman Love is about to be cut off," he said seriously.

"How ever will she cope?" CJ stifled a giggle.

"I don't know. I only hope she's strong enough. Anyway, I won't let that put a damper on my good mood, I'm off to spread my joy."

"Spread some in Toby's direction then. He's been a major pain in the ass these past few days."

"Will do," Josh said, saluting CJ as he left the office and headed off in search of Toby.

CJ sat back in her chair. There was definitely something going on with Josh. She was going to have to put all her years of reading Nancy Drew to good use and clear up this mystery once and for all.

TWW TWW TWW TWW TWW TWW TWW TWW TWW TWW TWW TWW

Abbey stood up from her desk, absently rubbing her hand over her stomach. There had been a niggling pain present all morning but putting it down to not eating breakfast, she had sent for a snack and had placed the pain at the back of her mind. Now it was forcing itself to the front of her mind, coming in strong waves that were making her feel faint.

She walked into the outer office looking for her assistant but when she couldn't find her she beckoned to one of the junior assistants. The young woman walked over nervously, visibly honored that the First Lady had deemed her good enough to speak to.

"May I help you, Ma'am?"

"Yes, could you let Lily Mays know that I'm going up to the Residence for a little while and that I won't be back until later this afternoon. Tell her to postpone my meetings and we can go over anything that occurs when I get back."

The young woman nodded her understanding and Abbey smiled at her before heading for the Residence. Perhaps a lie down would make her feel better.

TWW TWW TWW TWW TWW TWW TWW TWW TWW TWW TWW TWW

"So, what do the Polls have to say about that?" the President asked from the armchair in the Oval Office.

"Well, Sir, Joey Lucas has …" Josh was interrupted by a knock on the door.

Charlie came in and handed a note to the President before leaving again through the same door. The President read the note quietly and then put it in his pocket.

"Abbey's not well, she's gone up to the Residence," he explained, gesturing for Josh to carry on with the Poll numbers.

"Is she ok? I mean, what's wrong with her?" Josh asked, his mind on Abbey and the baby and not the Poll or whether he should actually be asking the President that question.

"I don't know Josh. But I'll let her know you're concerned when I go up to check on her after this. Now, you were saying?"

The rest of the meeting seemed to drag on for hours as the rest of the Senior Staff and the President tried to come up with new campaigning ideas for the Ohio trip the following week. Josh sat there quietly, thinking about Abbey and only speaking when he was asked a direct question.

When the meeting finished, Josh left the Oval quickly, closely followed by CJ. She caught up with him in the corridor and grabbed him by the arm, taking him by surprise.

"What the…?"

"Are you ok?" CJ asked, taking in the worried look on his face. "You seemed a little out of it in there."

"I'm fine, I just have a few things on my mind. Thanks for asking though, CJ," he said as he turned and walked off to his office.

CJ stared after him for a moment before heading off in the direction of her own office. Josh never left her thoughts as she walked through the corridor. Something was wrong, no matter what he said. Where was the hyperactive Josh from a few hours ago? And why was he so concerned about Abbey?

TWW TWW TWW TWW TWW TWW TWW TWW TWW TWW TWW TWW

Abbey lay on the couch, her body tucked up in the foetal position trying to ease the pain in her stomach. She had had cramps during her pregnancy with Zoe but nothing compared to this. Her whole stomach was contracting in pain. A wave of nausea came over her and she struggled off the sofa to the bathroom, barely reaching the toilet before she threw up.

After a few moments of retching, she leaned back against the cool tiled wall, and closed her eyes. She wrapped her arms around her body and said a silent prayer to God, begging him not to take her child for punishment of loving two men.

She didn't hear Jed when he came into the lounge, calling her name quietly incase she was sleeping. The pain had become unbearable and Abbey lay down on her side slowly, unable to fight the pain any longer.

Jed walked over to the couch where he thought she would be lying but she wasn't there. Instead he saw the red stain of blood on the pale fabric and his heart skipped a beat.

"Abbey," he shouted frantically, looking around the room before his eyes settled on the half open door to the bathroom. He raced over to it and swung it open, stopping dead in his tracks at the sight before him.

Abbey was laying on the floor, scrunched up in a ball, a pool of blood forming around the lower half of her body. Her eyes were shut but her eyelids were flickering, her lips barely moving as she mumbled incoherently.

"Someone help me!" Jed shouted, as he rushed over to Abbey's side, "Someone please help me!"

TWW TWW TWW TWW TWW TWW TWW TWW TWW TWW TWW TWW

Abbey's eyes felt heavy and it took a great deal of strength for her to open the seemingly lead-filled lids. She blinked at the harsh light coming from overhead and tried to focus on her surroundings.

Stark white walls. Strange furniture. Flowers. Flowers everywhere. Her eyes came to rest on the figure sitting by her bedside.

"Jed?" Abbey attempted to speak to her husband but her voice was but a hoarse whisper. She tried again. "Jed?"

"Sweetknees, you're awake!" Jed gushed, gripping her hand tightly in his and bringing it to his mouth to brush his lips against it. "The doctors said they thought you might come around this morning."

Hospital. So that's where she was. But why?

"How long have I been here?" Abbey asked, trying to piece together the puzzle in her brain.

"Since yesterday afternoon when I found you in the Residence. You had us all very worried, Babe."

All too quickly the reason made itself evident in her brain and Abbey placed her hand protectively on her stomach. She looked up at Jed who in turn lowered his eyes and shook his head sorrowfully.

"Oh my God," Abbey choked out as the tears began to stream down her cheeks. Jed rose from his chair and gathered her carefully in his arms, afraid that at any moment she might break.

"I'm so sorry, Abbey," Jed whispered against her hair, his own voice thick with unshed tears.

Abbey cried for over an hour, her face pressed tightly against Jed's chest. She cried for the loss of her unborn child. She cried for denying Josh his chance to become father. But overall she cried for Jed. The man whom she had betrayed and from whom she was now seeking solace.

Pulling away from Jed slightly she looked him in the eye. She had to tell him the truth. She couldn't bear seeing the concern overflowing from him and to know she had betrayed him.

"Jed, I have to tell you something," Abbey began, her voice trembling. In the next sentence her world could fall apart and it scared her to death. Taking a deep breath she continued. "The baby, Jed…the baby isn't…wasn't…"

Jed held up his hand and placed it gently against her lips prompting Abbey to stop talking.

"I know," Jed said simply.

Abbey looked at him in surprise. "You know… what?"

"I know the baby wasn't mine."

Abbey's breath caught in her throat as she heard the words coming from Jed's mouth.

"How…?"

"After the miscarriage, the doctor's assessed how old the foetus was. There was no way the baby could have been mine. We hadn't been together during the time of conception," Jed's voice remained steady as he spoke, his eyes in constant contact with Abbey's.

"I'm so sorry, Jed," Abbey cried, reaching out and grabbing at Jed's shirt.

Jed pulled her closer to him and gently stroked her hair.

"Why, Abbey? That's all I want to know. Why?"

"I…" Abbey stopped what she was about to say. Jed deserved more than an 'I don't know', he deserved the truth. "Because he was there, Jed. Because he made me feel special. Because I fell in love with him," Abbey added quietly. She could feel Jed stiffen underneath her as she spoke and wondered what the outcome of all this would be.

Jed took a deep breath and counted to ten in his head. He hadn't expected that. He hadn't expected for her to say that she loved him. Whoever 'He' was. Suddenly, an enormous feeling of guilt washed over Jed and he swallowed hard. Had he really neglected Abbey so much that she felt unloved? Had he really put the Presidency above his wife's feelings? Leo had warned him about such a thing, stating his own divorce as an example, but Jed had simply shrugged it off, feeling his and Abbey's marriage was strong enough to stand the test of time.

Perhaps he had misjudged both himself and Abbey.

"Jed?"

Abbey's voice broke through his thoughts and brought him back to the matter in hand.

"What happens now, Jed?" Abbey asked, her voice barely more than a whisper from where she lay against Jed's chest.

"We have to work through this, Abigail," Jed said, wondering if they both had the strength to do so. "For both our sakes."

TWW TWW TWW TWW TWW TWW TWW TWW TWW TWW TWW TWW

Abbey had lost the baby. His baby. Their baby.

Leo had announced it during Staff and Josh had immediately felt his world collapse. Of course, Leo hadn't said Abbey had lost Josh's child. He had simply passed on what he had been told. That the First Lady had suffered a miscarriage in the early stages of pregnancy and that both she and the President were going to take some time out to grieve for their loss.

Josh swallowed his tears and sat through the remainder of the meeting. His body was present but his mind was with Abbey and his child and the minute Leo dismissed them, Josh bolted from office and down the corridor to his own.

As soon as the door shut behind him, Josh crumpled to his knees in the middle of the room. His body shook violently as he tried to suppress the sound of his tears.

Only a few minutes had passed between the time he had left Leo's office and the timing of the knock on his door. When he ignored it, the door slowly opened and CJ stepped in, locking the door behind her.

She took a deep breath, finding it hard to believe that her suspicions had turned out to be true. But she didn't have time to muse over her findings; she had to show Josh that she was there for him.

CJ crouched down on the floor beside him and tenderly put her arms around him. Josh tried to move away from her but CJ held on tightly until Josh succumbed and fell into her embrace.

Josh sobbed against CJ until her silk blouse was soaked through. He swallowed hard and composed himself, extricating himself from her arms but moving only a few inches away.

CJ reached out and took his hand in her own, not wanting to break the contact, allowing Josh to see that he wasn't alone. He offered her a smile but the sadness in his eyes only made the lump in CJ's throat larger.

"How did you know?" he asked quietly.

"You really think you can hide things from me, Mi Amor?" CJ replied affectionately. In truth it had taken her a while to piece all the bits of the jigsaw together. The change in his behavior had been the most obvious thing and the way he and Abbey behaved around one another, trying hard not to be seen to be doing anything out of the ordinary but in doing so only making their predicament more obvious. But it had been Josh's concern for Abbey's health and his subdued demeanor since finding out Abbey was in the hospital that had clinched it.

"I was so happy, CJ," Josh said sadly, his eyes filling up with tears once more. "I was gonna be a dad."

"And you would have been a great dad, Josh. I'm sure of it," CJ said sincerely. "I mean, how many dad's can claim to know the names of every Disney cartoon character?" she added, jokingly, hoping to raise a smile from Josh's lips.

She succeeded. "That's true," Josh laughed lightly. Suddenly, his expression turned somber. "What's gonna happen?" he asked her.

"If you mean am I going to report this to Leo then the answer is no. I can't say I'm not disappointed in you Josh. The President's a good man and he's seen you through the rough times but, both you and Abbey are my friends and it's up to you how you are going to deal with this." CJ said, rubbing her hand up and down his arm while she spoke. "You gonna be ok?" she asked getting to her feet.

Josh followed her and pulled her into a tight hug.

"I'll get through it. But thanks for this, CJ. I really appreciate it," he said releasing her and watching as she walked over to the door and unlocked it.

"Anything for you, Mi Amor," she said, leaving Josh behind and walked into the corridor. She crossed her fingers that everything would work out for the best but she knew in situations like this someone was sure to get burned. She only hoped it wouldn't be Josh.

TWW TWW TWW TWW TWW TWW TWW TWW TWW TWW TWW TWW

My Dearest Abbey,

It seems so wrong to be ending it all this way, but I know that if I had to speak these words to your beautiful face, I might not have the strength to say them at all.

My heart has ached with sadness in these dark days that have passed since our child was taken from us. All I wanted to do was to see you, touch you, take you in my arms and tell you everything was going to be alright but we both know that things won't ever be alright again. I'm not a great believer in fate but I know our lives have changed now forever and I feel that there were greater powers at work, powers we had no control over. I know it sounds clichéd but it's the only way to express how I feel.

Don't misunderstand me, I would have loved to have been a father, to hold my child in my arms and feel the unconditional love emanating from both of us. To see our child take their first steps, speak their first word would have filled my heart with such joy I can only imagine now.

Perhaps it is for the best. Our lives would have been balanced precariously on a web of lies, neither of us able to give ourselves wholly to the other. In another lifetime, maybe this all would have been different. We could have been a family and there would have been no need for lies or secrecy. But it isn't another lifetime and our secrecy came at a cost – our baby's life.

I won't ever forget our time together and I will often think of the "if only's". I love you, Abbey, and I always will but we have to end what we have if we are ever to move on. Jed is a good man. Don't sacrifice your life together. Let him comfort you and love you and love him in return.

No regrets.

Josh.

Abbey ran her fingers over the tear-stained letter. She had read it so many times in the years since her time with Josh, that the paper was as fragile as she had felt all those years ago. It never failed to amaze her the words that had flowed from the man she had loved. Words that to anyone else would have seemed uncharacteristic, but to Abbey were the epitome of Josh.

Abbey placed the cherished letter back in the envelope and slipped it underneath her pillow, not willing to banish it to its hiding place just yet. She often slept with it under her head, at times when she thought of what could have been if only…

Five years old their child would have been and Abbey lay back on her pillow, imagining what he or she would have looked like. Josh's wild curly hair? Her own hazel eyes? Would they have been tall or short or somewhere in between? Would they have developed Josh's quick wit and both her and Josh's combined intellect? Abbey sighed and rolled over onto her side. She knew Josh often thought of the "if only's" just as she did but that's all they were.

She didn't regret that she had stayed with Jed. She had never told him who the child's father had been and he had never questioned her. Their life had settled back into the familiar pattern it had always weaved, but from then on Jed had been more attentive.

Josh had remained with the Senior Staff. Abbey had been worried for a while he might leave; she knew how badly the miscarriage had affected him. She also knew, however, that CJ had been a constant source of comfort to him and in turn it had been a comfort to Abbey knowing that he wasn't going through it alone.

Abbey was grateful that it was never awkward between Josh and her. At official functions he would ask her to dance, holding her far enough away to be safe but holding her close enough for her to know that he would always be there for her.

Abbey closed her eyes and thought back to her time in the White House. So many friends, so many memories. She drifted off to sleep, a faint smile on her lips as she remembered her past.

TWW TWW TWW TWW TWW TWW TWW TWW TWW TWW TWW TWW

Jed pushed open the bedroom door slowly, trying to prevent the squeak from the old farmhouse door from waking his sleeping wife. Walking over to the bureau, he switched on the small lamp that sat there and looked on as the glow that emanated from it rested on Abbey and allowed him to study her features. Her face had softened with age, the lines on her forehead furrowed slightly deeper with the stress and worry she had encountered over the years but nothing could hide the fact that she was still a beautiful woman.

He tiptoed over to her side of the bed and leaned down to place a soft kiss on her cheek. As he began to stand again he spotted a white piece of paper sticking out from underneath her pillow. Careful not to wake her, Jed gently pulled it out from beneath her head. He sat down in the chair next to bed and studied the item for a few moments. It was a plain white envelope that had 'Abbey' scrawled across the front of it. He wasn't sure whether or not he should open it, after all, if Abbey had wanted him to read it surely she would have shown it to him.

After a few minutes, his curiosity got the better of him and he extracted the paper from the envelope. It was a letter. A well-worn letter from what Jed could see. It had been read so often that Jed found it difficult in the dim light of the bedroom to make out its contents. Soon enough though, his eyes adjusted and he read the letter. And then he read it again.

And again.

He had often wondered if Abbey's affair had been with one of his staff. An assistant or perhaps even one of his counsel but he had never, for one moment, entertained the idea that it could have been someone from his own Senior Staff. Someone with whom he had entrusted his career and in turn, his life for over eight years.

Josh. One of his sons.

Jed swallowed hard and re-read the letter. He should have been angry. He should have wanted to kill Josh for betraying him this way. Instead, his heart bled for him. The loss that he had had to endure, both the miscarriage and Abbey, must have been so hard on him and yet he had never once put himself first. He had always looked out for Jed first and foremost.

Jed replaced the letter in its envelope and placed it back underneath Abbey's pillow without waking her. He quickly undressed and got into bed beside her, holding her tightly when she rolled over in her sleep and cuddled into him.

He had learned a lot tonight. About himself and about Josh and Abbey's relationship. About the heartbreak they had encountered and the passion they had shared. Josh had been a good man and had done the right thing and now Jed would do the same.

He closed his eyes and sealed his lips.


End file.
